Okay, so things are no longer so rosy in Counselor Land. Guys and girls are beginning to pair off, and other people are clique-ing up. Tonight was my first night out, and I had planned to go out to eat with three waterfront friends who had the same free night. We'd mentioned it to each other several times over the past few days, and I mentioned it at least once to all three of them at some point during the day today. Then, at the last minute, a few guys decided to come with us, meaning we'd need to borrow two cars instead of one, but we still thought we could get it all worked out. On the way back from my last assignment of the day, I asked Moti (one of the guys), "So we're meeting down here, right?"
"Yeah, we're just going to go shower and change first."
"Yeah, me too. Okay, so I'll see you guys down here in a little bit." And we went our separate ways.
To make a long story short, the guys and 2 lifeguards ended up piling into one car and leaving me behind, along with Denise, one of the other waterfront staff. Didn't say a word to either of us, just didn't show up at the office like they'd said they would, and when we walked down to the staff parking lot, their car was gone. Accident? I think not. I was seething. So I drove myself and Denise in my own car so that we could at least get out of camp. I hadn't wanted to drive my car because we still don't know what happened with the AC (if it's just the AC or something bigger which might cause other problems) and I told everyone that, but I guess they just didn't care. It will (hopefully) be fixed on Monday, but I'll be damned if any of those "friends" are getting any rides from me this summer. They got out of camp perfectly well without me tonight, and they can damn well keep it up.
We ended up at the same restaurant, at a table right next to them, and when Denise and I walked up, I said, "Thanks!" very sarcastically. "For what?" one of them asked. "For nothing!" I snapped in the same tone, then went to my own table. They're all playing innocent - "the car was full", "we didn't know", etc., but as I said, I talked to every single one of them at some point during the day today. I know they knew we were all going to go together, and there is no reason in the world why they couldn't have come and made their excuses to my face, or Denise's, rather than running off behind our backs without a word.
And unfortunately, one of the two lifeguards was Mandy, the girl from Ohio whom I'd thought might turn out to be a good friend. But she's downright frigid to me now, so I guess not...
Robin left a very nice comment about making friends on my last post, which I saw when I came home tonight and which was exactly what I needed to hear. She basically said that my trouble making friends probably comes from the fact that people are intimidated by me - because I speak my mind, because I'm good at lots of things, because I have the respect of the campers, pick your poison. I'm sure they don't define it as intimidation in their own minds - it's probably more like, "Wow, that Jess sure is a bitch," - but I learned at a young age (the hard way) that it doesn't matter what other people think of me. If they agree with me on certain issues and like me for who I am, that's great, but I'm not going to sugarcoat my personality just to make people like me better. As I've mentioned before, this is a time in my life when it's difficult to make and keep friends as it is (changing schedules every semester, new roommates every year, traveling to different countries, summer jobs in different states, switching schools, etc.) and I think the way most people handle it is by trying to be "neutral" and not reveal their true personalities (i.e. politics, religion, other opinions) until they really know somebody. I don't play that game, and I think that scares some people. Not everyone - there are a couple of people here that I really do like a lot - but some people.
For example, here are a few things that make me stick out here at camp: (a) I'm not a big drinker and don't enjoy the counselors' impromptu off-site campfires, so after the first one I started politely declining them, (b) I really like the camp food and am vocal about that fact, whereas everyone else is constantly complaining about it, (c) there are a lot of anti-Bush bumper stickers around here, and I'm constantly crowing with laughter at some new one ("I need a florist to send two Bushes to Iraq"), and (d) I refuse to let any of the other counselors borrow my car on their nights off, EVER, because no one is insured on it but me -- nor will I borrow/drive anyone else's car on which I am not insured. Stuff like that. Other people just sort of go along, like lemmings - they normally don't comment on the things I say, or they reply with something noncommittal. It's getting really annoying. Grow a personality, already, would ya?
"Yeah, we're just going to go shower and change first."
"Yeah, me too. Okay, so I'll see you guys down here in a little bit." And we went our separate ways.
To make a long story short, the guys and 2 lifeguards ended up piling into one car and leaving me behind, along with Denise, one of the other waterfront staff. Didn't say a word to either of us, just didn't show up at the office like they'd said they would, and when we walked down to the staff parking lot, their car was gone. Accident? I think not. I was seething. So I drove myself and Denise in my own car so that we could at least get out of camp. I hadn't wanted to drive my car because we still don't know what happened with the AC (if it's just the AC or something bigger which might cause other problems) and I told everyone that, but I guess they just didn't care. It will (hopefully) be fixed on Monday, but I'll be damned if any of those "friends" are getting any rides from me this summer. They got out of camp perfectly well without me tonight, and they can damn well keep it up.
We ended up at the same restaurant, at a table right next to them, and when Denise and I walked up, I said, "Thanks!" very sarcastically. "For what?" one of them asked. "For nothing!" I snapped in the same tone, then went to my own table. They're all playing innocent - "the car was full", "we didn't know", etc., but as I said, I talked to every single one of them at some point during the day today. I know they knew we were all going to go together, and there is no reason in the world why they couldn't have come and made their excuses to my face, or Denise's, rather than running off behind our backs without a word.
And unfortunately, one of the two lifeguards was Mandy, the girl from Ohio whom I'd thought might turn out to be a good friend. But she's downright frigid to me now, so I guess not...
Robin left a very nice comment about making friends on my last post, which I saw when I came home tonight and which was exactly what I needed to hear. She basically said that my trouble making friends probably comes from the fact that people are intimidated by me - because I speak my mind, because I'm good at lots of things, because I have the respect of the campers, pick your poison. I'm sure they don't define it as intimidation in their own minds - it's probably more like, "Wow, that Jess sure is a bitch," - but I learned at a young age (the hard way) that it doesn't matter what other people think of me. If they agree with me on certain issues and like me for who I am, that's great, but I'm not going to sugarcoat my personality just to make people like me better. As I've mentioned before, this is a time in my life when it's difficult to make and keep friends as it is (changing schedules every semester, new roommates every year, traveling to different countries, summer jobs in different states, switching schools, etc.) and I think the way most people handle it is by trying to be "neutral" and not reveal their true personalities (i.e. politics, religion, other opinions) until they really know somebody. I don't play that game, and I think that scares some people. Not everyone - there are a couple of people here that I really do like a lot - but some people.
For example, here are a few things that make me stick out here at camp: (a) I'm not a big drinker and don't enjoy the counselors' impromptu off-site campfires, so after the first one I started politely declining them, (b) I really like the camp food and am vocal about that fact, whereas everyone else is constantly complaining about it, (c) there are a lot of anti-Bush bumper stickers around here, and I'm constantly crowing with laughter at some new one ("I need a florist to send two Bushes to Iraq"), and (d) I refuse to let any of the other counselors borrow my car on their nights off, EVER, because no one is insured on it but me -- nor will I borrow/drive anyone else's car on which I am not insured. Stuff like that. Other people just sort of go along, like lemmings - they normally don't comment on the things I say, or they reply with something noncommittal. It's getting really annoying. Grow a personality, already, would ya?
stormed at 00:00
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