Now that the excitement of actually getting IN to Duke is starting to subside (or, rather, starting to seem like the natural state of things... I'm not sure I'll ever really stop being excited or proud!), I'm starting to focus on the more practical details.

First of all, where are we going to live? We thought we knew -- The Lodge at Southpoint -- but that was before a friend of mine (coincidentally, the wife of the doctor I work for) stopped by the office yesterday and casually let slip that she and her husband own a rental house in Durham with three bedrooms, three bathrooms, hardwood floors, a new kitchen, a yard, the whole shebang. And that, oh, yeah, that the place happens to be TWO BLOCKS from the brand-new Duke PA building in downtown Durham. Needless to say, that changes things a bit. We couldn't afford the rent on our own, but if our friend Kelsey comes to live with us (apparently one bedroom and bathroom are on the second floor, almost like a separate little suite, which would be great for subletting) then that might be a different story. We'll just have to see how things work out. My workplace's Christmas party is tonight, so I might find out some more details then.

Secondly, now that I'm 99.9% sure that I'm going to Duke, how do I handle things with the other two schools? For instance, when do I send UF the polite email I've drafted (telling them how sorry I am not to be returning, but how nice it is, by giving up my spot, to be able to offer someone else the opportunity to be a Gator)? Do I wait to see if they make any financial offers to me before I say no? (But... would it change my mind even if they did? Not likely.) And what about ECU? I still have an interview scheduled there for January 22nd. Do I just decline the interview now, knowing that there's no way their program will measure up to Duke or Florida? Or do I take the interview, with the understanding that there's no pressure (since I already know what the outcome will be), just to satisfy my own curiosity? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to go, just to get a look at the facilities and the professors and my prospective fellow students... just so that I 'know what I'm turning down' before I do it... so that in a couple years, when I'm up to my neck in loans from Duke, I'll know all the sides of why I made the choice I did. But honestly, what is the point? As above -- would it change my mind even if they did accept me (which they will) and give me some financial help (which is a distinct possibility)? Probably not. You can't turn down Duke University for ECU... it's, like, a law.

So is the interview even worth it? Opinions much appreciated!

And third, of course, the money thing. I've done my homework (consisting of a very pretty Excel spreadsheet), and the total cost of the Duke program is going to be around $105,000, two-thirds of which is tuition and other fees that are paid directly to the school. As far as living expenses, since Liz will be going back to school after I graduate, we've worked out a plan whereby she'll pick up more of the household expenses while I'm in school (if she's financially able to do so) with the understanding that I'll then do the same for her while she's in school. Taking that into account, things become a little more manageable. I'm also doing everything I can to get a little bit of money saved up on my own, and there's also a slim chance of a $10,000/year scholarship from Duke (though those are thin on the ground, so I can't count on anything). Best-case scenario, near as I can figure -- assuming I do get the Duke scholarship -- would be a total of about $65,000 unaccounted for; worst-case scenario would be around $85,000. Realistically, I'll probably end up taking out the difference in loans; however, I already have $20k in loans from that disaster of a year at UNC. Given that disadvantage, I really want to try to find other ways to take a few more chunks out of that enormous amount before I have to go crawling back to College Foundation.

For instance, I've considered the idea of egg donation. It's a sizable amount of money -- several thousand dollars -- for relatively little effort, and I definitely meet all the health and age requirements, but it just seems so odd, and a little disturbing, to be giving my genetic material away. Call me selfish, but if I'm going to have little ones running around out there somewhere, well, I want to know them. If I'm going to have "kids", I want them to be mine. Not to mention, my schedule doesn't really accommodate multiple doctors' appointments or any possible travel. So, scratch that idea.

I've also thought about getting my car wrapped in one of those vinyl ads -- I drive in very busy areas and spend considerable time sitting in traffic, so I'd be a great candidate for them. It pays a couple hundred bucks a month. However, you have to commit to the program for a certain number of years, and I have a feeling I'm not going to want to be "stuck" driving the Impala once I graduate from school and have the money to buy a new car. So, cross that one off the list.

Beyond those two, there don't seem to be a lot of ideas coming to me. I've donated plasma before, but that's a big time commitment that doesn't actually net a whole lot of money in the end. I've taken my used books and CDs to used bookstores, and I've sold everything I can sell on eBay. I'm kind of out of options. I wish there were some sort of job I could do at home, like editing others' written work. I keep checking Craigslist for possibilities, but I haven't had any luck finding anything suitable. I should probably just resign myself to the idea of paying it all back after graduation, but I just don't want to continue to live 'poor' after school because so much of my money is being devoted to loan repayment. Nor do I want to make smaller payments and then spend a decade before I'm out of debt. It seems like these next few months should theoretically be enough time to do something about this. Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

Anyway, it's time to go get ready for the party. I'll let you all know how things shape up!

I should have posted this sooner, I know, but it seemed like everybody found out anyway. I was checking my email obsessively the Monday after the interview, even though I knew that The Email might not come until Tuesday, if it was even going to come at all -- and at 1:59pm, I was rewarded.

I got in!!!

To Duke University! As in, the number-two program in the country (formerly number one), the program that invented the PA profession, the program that only accepts 8 percent of its applicants, the school that everybody secretly wants to go to. That program. I got in.

Wow.

It seemed like everyone around me had no doubts at all, but let me tell you -- I did. I mean, some of the interview questions threw me for a loop... I did most of my prerequisites at a community college... and I have a bachelor's in linguistics, for crying out loud -- what could be more of a one-eighty? And yet, it's like I said in my last post. I feel like they saw me at that interview, warts and all, and that they still gave me a unanimous Yes.

That's amazing.

I came home and cried, honestly, just because I was so relieved. I can breathe again. The past three years have been so incredibly hard in so many ways -- full-time school plus full-time work, doing a job I hated (the ambulance, not the pediatrician), living in crappy apartments with Dumpster-salvaged furniture, counting every single penny -- and now... I don't have to worry anymore! Yes, the next two years are going to be insanely difficult, there will definitely be times when I'm ripping my hair out, and I will be up to my eyeballs in loans... but in a way, the 'chancy' part is over. I'm in. Once I've graduated, I'll have the best job security anyone could ask for, I'll be able to work in any area of medicine I want, I'll be doing something I love, and I'll be making great money... which feels huge to me right now. I won't have to total up the items in my grocery cart and then put a few of them back because I can't pay for them. I'll be able to buy some grown-up furniture, and maybe take us on a real vacation once in a while. Wow.

I actually got what I've been working toward. And it feels great.

Liz and I spent the weekend in Asheville, and had a fantastic time. (Last Wednesday was our third anniversary, and this Thursday is obviously Thanksgiving, so it's been a nice coincidence of events around here... lots to celebrate and be thankful for!) We spent the night at our friend Tiffany's house on Thursday night, after going to the midnight showing of New Moon, which was fun (when Taylor Lautner took his shirt off for the first time, the entire female audience gasped in unison, then burst into applause). I maintain that the writing of the Twilight books is really pretty crappy, especially in books two and three, but I do love the Cullen characters -- you just want to be a vampire by the time you're done reading. Anyway, so we went to sleep around 2:30, then got up the next day and had breakfast at the Sunny Point Cafe, which is a tiny, hole-in-the-wall cafe that serves amazing breakfasts. (I'd done my research online before we left so that we could, effectively, eat our way through Asheville.)

After that, we went to Chimney Rock State Park and did some hiking, both down to the waterfall and up to the Chimney itself. (Pictures to come on Facebook!) Later, we headed back to town and checked into our hotel (a Holiday Inn, which was actually very nice apart from the snooty staff), then headed out to what was quite possibly the best meal I've ever had -- shrimp over goat cheese grits at the Tupelo Honey Cafe. (We liked that restaurant so much that we went back the next night, which may have been the second-best meal I've ever eaten -- a Havarti-and-gorgonzola grilled cheese sandwich with tomato-basil bisque.) To top it off, after watching the outdoor drum circle for a few minutes (an Asheville classic), we headed to the French Broad Chocolate Lounge... which has to be tasted to be believed. We both had a 'sipping truffle', which is basically an incredibly rich form of hot chocolate... so thick that it drips off the spoon almost as if the cup were full of pure melted chocolate. Yum.

There was a holiday parade in town the next day, so we were stunned when we walked into the Early Girl Eatery for breakfast -- not only did we have no wait at all, but we were seated beside the window, with a perfect view of the parade. Breakfast was so-so -- nothing special -- but the view was nice. We spent most of the day walking around, visiting the various shops. We spent the most time in a place called Malaprop's, which was voted the best independent bookstore in the Southeast and also serves up some pretty mean coffee. After a second visit to Tupelo and to the Chocolate Lounge (this time I tried the "real" (non-sipping) truffles, which are absolutely incredible... I liked the French Lavender, which is made with wildflower honey, among other things), we headed back to the hotel for a shower and a movie on cable.

This morning, rain was rolling into town, so after a quick breakfast at an eco-friendly coffee shop called The Green Sage, we headed out (right at the edge of the rain, which we managed to leave behind before too long). Three hours and forty-five minutes later, we were home. Now, after a workout, some unpacking, my filling out my Duke papers (I still can't believe it!), and dinner, we're settling in to catch up on Grey's Anatomy, which we missed on Thursday. Just a quiet Sunday night... in preparation for this crazy three-day Thanksgiving week we're about to have.

*sigh*... Life is beautiful... isn't it? :)

I had my Duke interview yesterday, and on the whole I think it went well. We spent the morning in a conference room, listening to presentations on the didactic and clinical years as well as some info from the financial aid officer. There was also a photo/video tour, since the campus is way too spread out to allow us to walk to all these places (not to mention that it was raining cats and dogs). Once we'd been lulled into a PowerPoint-induced stupor, we went upstairs to observe a few minutes of a small-group class. The group in my room seemed to be having a lot of fun; they were identifying certain factors in a list of clinical questions, and there was a lot of laughter (particularly during the exercise about the overweight male sports fan whose wife was afraid he was going to have a heart attack while watching the game... that was amusing). We came back downstairs and ate lunch in the conference room with some of the first-year students (no faculty present, so we could ask anything we wanted), then got our photos taken for our ID badges (oh, if only!), and then started the real stuff. Gulp.

There were ten of us interviewing, and we were split into two groups of five for our group exercise. My group went first; we were given an ethical scenario and asked to discuss how we would handle it. I felt like this part of the day went fantastic for me; the five of us played off each other very well. We all had equal talking time and each had our own "shining moments" (one of mine was an instance when the conversation stalled; the observer was gesturing that we still had a few minutes to "use up", so I asked, "So has anyone ever come across a situation like this in real life?" and got the talk going again). At the end, when we were asked to reflect on how we had done as a group, I echoed others' sentiments that we had worked well together and added (sincerely), "I'd love to work with any of you guys in a classroom setting." Others also stated that they felt grateful that I had gotten us over the initial "how-do-we-get-started" rough moment by reading the question aloud. It was interesting -- this was the portion of the interview that I'd been most dreading, but it actually turned out to be the segment that I felt most confident about. I wouldn't change a single thing about my performance in that room, and I truly would love to work with those other four interviewees as my classmates. Oh, I can only hope!

Anyway, after the group exercise, I had two individual interviews with faculty members, a woman and a man. Without giving away specifics as to what I was asked, I can say that the woman was very relaxed and easy to converse with; she put me at ease and turned the interview into a real conversation. Of note, her son (now a college graduate) used to be a patient at the pediatric practice that I work at, so we had a few minutes' chat about the doctors there. I felt like I did well with her; I had the opportunity to mention the Duke TIP program (which I participated in as a middle-schooler) and the chance to talk about the current healthcare system and the debate surrounding it. The man was a little tougher; he was clearly just going down a list of questions (most of which were a little more 'psychological' than I'd anticipated), and not making any effort whatsoever to set me at ease by conversing with me. I scrambled a little with him, honestly, because I was having to switch gears so quickly. I did get to put in a few more of my talking points, like the English Channel and my excitement about Duke's international clinical rotations, but most of his questions were ones that I wasn't really prepared for and had to answer on the fly, so I missed a couple of opportunities for good answers, which frustrated me a bit afterward. Overall, it was more than a little disconcerting (my mom seems to think that it may have been a mind game, to see how we reacted), but I still think it went okay. I did get one genuine smile out of him, when we discussed the tricky parts of working with kids (he has two young children). And, to be fair, I was his last interview for the day, so maybe he was just ready to go home. I know I was. :)

Anyway, so here I sit, 24 hours later, and I'm not sure how to feel. I could try to convince myself of a lot of different factors. I was the only one there who worked in pediatrics; that might have made me stand out. They didn't ask a single question about my academics; maybe that means my record spoke for itself. But the truth is, it's not in my hands anymore. I went for a five-mile run this morning, and while showering afterward, I came to a comfortable realization. Sure, I may not have answered every question in the 'textbook' fashion -- the way that a PA interview handbook would have advised me to -- but I showed them who I was. Yes, I did talk about Jean Auel and Harry Potter when we discussed books, instead of professing a preference for thick presidential biographies. Yes, I did say that I played sports as a way of de-stressing, rather than using the cliche, well-rounded answer of 'spending time with family and friends'. But I answered every question genuinely and with a smile. I spoke clearly and confidently, I didn't pause or stumble, I used humor, I engaged the interviewers by asking about their own lives, and at one point, I let my passion shine through about how impressed I was by their program and how badly I wanted to attend Duke. It was not a perfect interview experience by any means, but then again, I'm not a perfect person, and I don't believe they expected perfection. At least, I hope not. :)

I'm trying to look at it this way: this is the number-two PA program in the entire country, and I got an interview. (By this year's numbers, 21% of applicants have been invited to interview, and 8% will be accepted.) I know that I'm good enough and smart enough to handle the curriculum, and they know that too; if I weren't, I wouldn't have been invited to interview at all, let alone in the very first week. I have to believe that yesterday was intended mostly to show them a little bit of who I am outside of the numbers, and I feel as though I did that. If they decline me, I'll know that they did so based on ME, not based on some girl giving scripted answers that she thought her questioners wanted to hear. And if they accept me, I'll know that they did it for the same reason -- that they thought that I, a marathon-running, novel-reading, pediatric-leaning, imperfect young woman, would fit in with the class they're building for 2010, and would represent Duke well.

It doesn't do any good to speculate. Especially seeing as I'm typing this at 2:30pm on Friday. The interviewers met today to discuss the whole week's worth of interviews, so that means that odds are that my fate -- yea, nay, or wait-till-March -- has already been decided. If it's a unanimous 'yes' or 'no', I'll get an email on Monday or Tuesday; if the opinions are split, I'll be relegated to the larger stack to wait until March 1st. No matter what happens, I'm trying to focus on the fact that I am an exceptionally smart and strong individual with many gifts, many people in my life who love me, and much to be thankful for. I am going to attend PA school, I am going to graduate, and I am going to represent the field -- and, thus, my school -- as well as I possibly can. I hope it's Duke -- god, I hope it's Duke -- but if it isn't, that'll be okay too.

Though that doesn't mean I'm not counting the hours until Tuesday. Argh. :)

Hey, two posts in one week; that doesn't happen very often. Anyway, I feel a little better about the whole work situation today, now that I've had a few hours of free time where I didn't have to think about vaccines or lab tests or the flu. It really is only eight more months, and you know what? When my last workday (somewhere around June 24th) actually does arrive... I'm going to be really sad.

How, you ask, did this one-eighty take place? Well, it's been a gorgeous day, so I went for a short run (my first one since the half marathon) and spent a good chunk of the time thinking about how much this job has really helped me. Not just as far as medical skills and knowledge go, but in terms of patient interaction -- how I convey information to people, whether they're three or eighty-three. And I think cultivating that ability has helped me in other situations, too -- the UF interview, for instance. I'm a lot less nervous about fielding questions than I used to be, and a lot more confident in my ability to answer clearly, intelligently, and concisely. I still often field questions that I don't know the answers to, but I think I do pretty well with putting people at ease and informing them about the things I do know. Some time back, the front desk staff spent a week or two handing out surveys to parents, and they got to rate and comment on every aspect of our practice -- the wait time, the facilities, how comfortable they felt with the doctor they saw, etc. After the results had been tallied, the doctor I work for (whom I absolutely adore) told me privately that I'd received the highest ratings of any nurse at the practice. I was blown away -- after all, I'm not even an RN; my medical knowledge and ability is surely far lower than many of the other nurses. It's got to be my demeanor that makes the difference. Hopefully that same trait will help me in six days, when I'm sitting in that interview chair at Duke University. *gulp*

(Short digression: I cannot believe how much easier it is to run now that I'm 15 pounds lighter! I don't feel like my body really looks all that different, but when Liz tosses three bags of sugar into my arms and tells me to feel the difference, well, I definitely can. I'm still a little sore from Sunday, but I did my 'usual' three miles today really easily. Hooray for weight loss!)

Oh, and more good news: my cousin Anna, who was diagnosed with lymphoma over the summer, has officially been declared cancer-free! She has a CaringBridge blog where she's been chronicling her journey -- you can read it here if you're interested. She is an amazing person, and I never had any doubt that she would triumph over that silly old cancer, but it's nice to hear the official word. She has two more chemo treatments to go, but there was "no evidence of disease" on her scans this week, so these last two treatments will really just be prophylactic. Yay for Anna!!!

In the same vein... I've been looking into that Victory Junction camp, the one that next month's half marathon will benefit (for kids with chronic illnesses), and I really think I might want to volunteer there. None of their positions are paid, so I wouldn't be able to go for very long, but the sessions only last a week (or, in some cases, only a weekend), and it sounds like a lot of fun. They have some amazing facilities (a challenge tower, a multisport complex, an on-site hospital, and a water park -- to name a few!?!?), and it's something I'd really like to be a part of. Maybe this summer, during my month in between work and PA school.

I forget whether I mentioned this in my last post or not, but Liz's and my three-year anniversary is on the 18th, so we're spending that weekend in Asheville, visiting the Biltmore and eating amazing food in the funky downtown district (I have a list of five restaurants that we've been told we "have to" visit... among them, the Early Girl Eatery and the Tupelo Honey Cafe). There also might be a hike involved (especially if there are still a few red and yellow leaves to peep at... they're mostly fading to brown over in this corner of the world) and maybe even a trip to Chimney Rock. We shall see. I absolutely cannot believe that we've been together for three years. A lot has stayed the same, but really, our lives have changed so much since then. 2006 feels like a lifetime ago. And I gotta say... there are some great memories... but I wouldn't go back for anything. I'm much more excited to see what the end of 2009 will bring.

Just a quick update with some news:

1.) So I officially won the Biggest Loser competition at work, and got the money today. (Not that I've exactly earned it this past week; I've been eating like an absolute train wreck ever since the half marathon.) Anyway, my grand total was $90.55, mostly in one-dollar bills. I pity the person who was behind me in line at the drive-up ATM tonight.

2.) Just as the soreness is abating from Sunday's race, I've got my eye on another one: the Run to Victory, which is a half marathon near Greensboro that benefits a camp for kids with various illnesses. How can you not support that? Plus, they have cool shirts.

3.) My Duke interview is one week from today. I'm not sure whether to be nervous or excited. Probably both. I sort of just want it to be over already.

4.) This one's going to be a rant, just because it needs to be said. Plain and simple, I'm starting to feel really 'burned out' at work. We're smack in the middle of flu season, and we're struggling with not only the seasonal flu vaccine (which in itself is more than enough of a challenge!) but with this godforsaken H1N1 as well. A mom said to me today, "So if I've got a generally healthy kid" (gesture toward teenage boy) "and he gets the flu, it seems to me the most sensible thing is just to stay home and ride it out, isn't it?" I could have kissed her. If only the rest of the Triangle would take a cue from that family. For the past five months we've been, in a word, swamped with flu cases. And it's really hard to keep taking people's media-fueled concerns seriously when the fact is that we're all, every one of us, wading knee-deep through H1N1 every single day. If you're unlucky enough to get it, well, you'll feel crummy for a week or so, and then you'll get better. Yes, there are people with underlying health conditions who should probably see their doctors, but that's just as true for the regular seasonal influenza that we see every single year. Bottom line? It's the flu. Suck it up.

Anyway, I could whine about all the tiny daily frustrations all night long, but this impending burnout feels like more than just flu season. Liz said last night, "It's because you're not getting out what you're putting in," and I think she's exactly right. Officially, my hours are 8am to 5pm, but because I live so far away and the traffic is so bad (and because actually being DONE at 5pm is a rare event), a typical day has me leaving the house at 7:15am and getting home no earlier than 6pm. That means that I devote around 11 hours of each day to my job. (And while I'm working, I'm WORKING -- it's not like an office job, where you can take a five-minute mental break to read your email and check Facebook.) Not only that, but the money is barely enough for me to support myself... I can pay all my bills, which is great, but I'm still counting the price of every item I put in my shopping cart, and still running out of money at the end of every pay period. The intrinsic rewards (cute kids, nice coworkers, etc.) plus the extrinsic rewards (money) are simply not filling in the hole I'm creating with the amount of my time/energy I'm pouring into the place. Add a scoop of Flu Season to the top of that sundae, along with a hefty sprinkle of H1N1 vaccine protocols, and you've got one miserable Jess.

And I feel guilty in a way, because there are so many others who are doing even more than I am -- lots of the other nurses work five days a week, for instance, or pick up more weekend days than I do, or volunteer to run flu clinics, or work extra hours to fill holes in the schedule... and I honestly don't know how they do it. I signed up to work this Sunday, because we're expected to work a certain number of weekend days, and even that self-imposed usurping of my 'free' time makes me want to scream. Every time someone asks me to work extra time outside of my regular Monday-to-Thursday schedule, my insides clench together in instant protest. I don't want to. But... no one else seems to mind it as much as I do. Either everyone else is that much less selfish than I am, or they truly don't resent the job as much. I don't know which it is, or why it is... but I'm tired of feeling guilty over it. I am one person, and I'm carrying the load I can carry, and that's just going to have to be enough.

It's only for eight more months, anyway. I'm ready to go back to school, ready to have a license that means something and a paycheck of four digits. I want a job with regular hours, where I have a tiny bit more prestige, where I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm "doing enough". I want a job that's salaried, where I make enough money that I won't resent being there every day. I'm approaching a breaking point, and it isn't because this particular job is so heinous. It's just that I've been struggling like this for years now, ever since I've been out on my own. I'm frustrated because I've put in my time, I've paid my dues, and I'm ready to move on -- and up. Let the next generation of twenty-year-olds struggle a little, and let me out of this holding pattern. Let me become what I'm supposed to be.

5.) Now that I'm done ranting, I believe I'm going to go watch Grey's Anatomy. There are good things about Thursday nights. :)

So I ran the half marathon this morning, and overall it went really well. I woke up to cold gray skies and pouring rain which didn't ever really stop, but that was actually a better alternative than the humid heat we had yesterday. I got to the site around 6am, huddled under various tents with a few thousand of my new best friends as we collectively tried to stay out of the rain, and even managed to time my final Porta-Potty trip so that I reached the start corral right as the race began (a sharp contrast to my last big race, the Marine Corps Marathon last year, where I was nowhere near the starting line when the gun went off!). Anyway, rain or no rain, we were off!

We started (and finished) on NC State's Centennial Campus (close to where Liz's and my last apartment was), then went through a portion of downtown Raleigh (which was like a wind tunnel, ugh!) and doubled back around through Cameron Village before rejoining Hillsborough Street. I ran this part (about seven miles) straight through, without stopping to walk; my 10k time (6.2 miles) was right around 1:05, which is a ten-and-a-half-minute mile. I've never gone even close to that fast in a race before. And despite the rain, the scenery was really pretty; traffic was stopped, so all the roads were quiet except for the rain and the sounds of our feet, and the red and yellow leaves were starting to turn brown and drop off the trees. I didn't have my headphones on yet at this point (I decided to use my marathon strategy and not use them until I 'needed' them) so I had a few brief conversations with other runners as we went through downtown. I met two girls from New England, another woman from Baltimore, and Julie, a mother of three who lives in Raleigh and was right about my same pace; we passed each other several times throughout the race. I think I ended up beating her, but not by much.

The course rejoined Hillsborough Street around mile seven. After what had been a relatively quiet and scenic (if wet) route, the first hint of civilization that came into view was the Burger King drive-thru, which prompted a lot of jokes ("Anybody want a snack?" "Didn't know this was part of the entry fee!"). I took my first walk break around this point and broke out the headphones, swallowed some Advil, and ate some of my Sport Beans. We ran past Meredith College and up to the now-empty fairgrounds, which was where the marathon participants continued on toward Umstead State Park and the half marathon runners (including yours truly) got to turn around. (The fairgrounds also happen to be approximately one mile from my apartment, so I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just slightly tempted to jog on home and take a hot shower, then come back and finish this whole race thing at some later date! :))

We turned around, ran back down the hill (I got a second wind here -- downhills will do that to you!), back past Meredith, and continued farther down Hillsborough Street, into the main NCSU campus. After one final hill, we retraced our earlier steps down Western Blvd back to the Centennial Campus. The last mile felt endless, and I was having a lot of trouble keeping myself going, but I finally found my 'power song' (Pat Benatar's "Invincible") on my iPod, which helped. And the final stretch happened to be a downhill, so I actually ended up having one of my strongest race finishes ever. During one of the bursts of heavy rain, I came through the finish chute -- in an unbelievable (for me) time of 2 hours 26 minutes. I had wanted to beat Tara from last season's The Biggest Loser, who ran a 2:24, so I didn't meet that goal, but I did cut THIRTY-FOUR MINUTES off the time of the last half marathon I ran (January 2007, at Disney World), so I can't really complain. And there is the small fact that Tara ran her 13.1 miles around an INDOOR TRACK, while I ran mine in the wind, rain, cold, and hills while recovering from the aforementioned Cold from Hell. So… I think I can begrudge her those two minutes. :)

Anyway, so it was a very strong run for me, which I wasn't expecting -- I didn't really put in the miles that I should have, especially in recent weeks, and then with getting sick, well... I wasn't expecting much. But my overall pace was 11:19, which is crazy-fast for me during a race of this length. (Another interesting thing is that, judging by my 8.5-mile time of about 1:32, I'd have easily met my Gate River Run goal of 1:45 if that had been the race I'd run today.) And my body feels great right now -- the only thing that's causing me any real pain is a blister on the bottom of my right foot, and I was practically asking for that by running in new shoes (though the new ones were still a much better option than the old, beaten-up ones!). Pretty unbelievable.

Anyway, I'll get another chance to beat Tara in February, when I run the marathon in Jacksonville, so we'll see how that one plays out.

My next running goal... to try to get Liz to sign up for the Turkey Trot with me on Thanksgiving. (Honestly... that may be more difficult than the marathon will be. :))

Happy November, everybody!

I have the Cold from Hell, and it is driving me insane. I spent the entire workday apologizing to patients for my uncontrollably drippy nose. I was about to do a finger stick on a kid and I said to his mom, "You'll have to forgive me if I have to grab for a tissue in the middle of doing this... I'm having kind of a rough day!" Fortunately, they laughed. I thought working in pediatrics was supposed to make me immune to this kind of stuff? I mean, I guess it sort of has -- I think this is only my second cold of 2009 -- but it's a doozy. The pesky sore throat and runny nose have spent the past 24 hours morphing into some serious congestion, and my whole head is pounding with the pressure. Not to mention I can't taste anything at all, which is a true shame when there's so much good food in the house (try fresh bruschetta!). The sole moment of relief today was when I went for a (very easy) run this morning before going in to work... the exercise just opened my head right up. I'm supposed to run a half marathon on Sunday, so I'm crossing my fingers that this bug remains a simple head cold (which I can run with) and doesn't migrate to my chest. I've been coughing more than I usually do with a cold, which is making me nervous. But I've had both flu vaccines already, so that rules out the two most annoying contenders. And my temperature has been hovering between 99 and 99.5, which isn't even technically a fever, so there's some more good news. If I can just make it through work tomorrow and come home and rest on Friday and Saturday, I think I'll be okay to run on Sunday.

Liz is at a conference in Knoxville this week with the Meredith study-abroad folk, so I've been entertaining myself with online Christmas shopping, minor household projects, and old kiddie movies on VHS (try Air Bud and The Indian in the Cupboard. I am such a dork). She'll be back tomorrow evening, and then we're going to spend the night at Norma and Terry's on Friday night (we're doing Halloween a day early so that I can be in my own bed the night before the race). Norma promised to make grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato-basil soup (which sounds sooooo good right now!), and there was even mention of a fire pit and s'mores, which should be lots of fun... almost like a summer camp flashback! :)

Oh, and one more thing (since if I can't brag on my very own website, then where can I brag?)... I stopped at Ann Taylor two nights ago on my way home after seeing that my favorite non-jeans pants were finally on sale for nearly half their original price. I have a pair in brown, which are size 8 -- I bought them in the middle of my "Biggest Loser" program, and was very stoked at the time to be able to wear an 8 instead of my usual 10. I had wanted a pair in gray as well, but didn't have the money for two pairs, so I contented myself with one. Well, they are super comfy and cute to boot, and I've barely taken them off since I bought them, so I've kept my eye on the website to watch for sales. And one finally came along this week... BUT... you may notice that gray is no longer listed on the website as an available color. In the store, there were countless pairs of the brown, pebble, and khaki colors... and exactly TWO pairs of gray left. Both in the same size... which was... a... six. Ugh.

But, on a whim, I tried them on. The waist was a teensy bit tighter than I'd hoped for -- not in an unsightly way, just more like my clothes used to fit, fifteen pounds ago -- but the length was perfect, as was the fit through the hip and thigh. I asked the salesgirls' opinions, and they both told me they looked great and that the size eight (which I also had in the dressing room, in a different color) was too big. I told them that I already had a pair in size eight that fit fine, but they furrowed their brows and shrugged their shoulders and made skeptical noises and basically told me to just buy the damn pants already. So I did.

So... I now own a pair of (gorgeous, comfy, amazing) size six pants. That actually fit. Me.

I never thought I'd see the day.

It's amazing how many tiny tasks there are to do on the computer that simply don't get done during the week anymore. Silly things, like performing a hard drive backup (which takes all of five seconds), or responding to someone's Facebook comment (the 2009 equivalent of answering an email, I guess). Anyway, I've made a list of things that generally need to get done on Fridays, and I've been sitting in front of the computer, snuggled up in my red plaid flannel PJ pants and Ton-A-Wandah sweatshirt, drinking coffee and trying to complete the list. Posting to the blog is one of the things on it, by the way. :)

Let's see... what's new with me? Well, I made the decision to drop my organic chemistry class -- to use Liz's accounting terminology, the 'cost-benefit analysis' just made it completely not worth it. It was $362 (a lot of money for me) for a 3-credit class that was, in actuality, requiring 9 hours of work per week (two or three times what it theoretically should have). Also, the exams were going to be a bitch to arrange (instead of being an totally online course, as I'd been told, it turned out that since I'm not from the Oregon area, I was going to have to get each exam faxed to a local college and go there to take the exams while a professor proctored me), and -- most importantly -- I only needed the class for 2 of my prospective schools (MUSC and Pacific). Not for Duke, not for ECU, and not for UF... the three schools I'm most likely to end up attending. So I decided to cut my losses and get out (on the last day to still get a refund, as it happened). It kind of sucks that I spent so much time and energy stressing over the details of it (finding a class that didn't cost two thousand dollars, enrolling in yet another community college, making sure I got into the necessary course, doing all the work for the first chapter or two...), and it does sort of suck that I have to email MUSC and Pacific and tell them I'm withdrawing my application (another thing on the Friday list...) but them's the breaks. I wouldn't have ended up at either of those schools in the end anyway. So, even though I may have to defend that choice in my interviews, I've been a LOT happier and less stressed since making that decision, so I think it was the right one.

Not much else to report... oh, yeah, I got my (seasonal) flu shot and my (H1N1) flumist yesterday, so if you guys haven't done that yet, go ahead and do it now. I love how cavalier we are about that stuff at work -- everyone, doctors and nurses alike, just rolls up their sleeves like, oh, yeah, as long as you're getting yours, I guess I'll get mine too. We don't even bother to sit down. It's a nice change from how serious we have to be about vaccines with our patients. And I literally did not even feel the shot -- or, rather, I guess I technically felt it, but it didn't hurt a bit. I hadn't had a shot of any kind since 2006 (though I've given thousands of them since then) and I sort of forgot that I'm really NOT lying when I tell my little patients that shots really don't hurt that much... even though they always think I am. :)

Also, the NC state fair started yesterday, and we live within walking distance of the fairgrounds, which is one of the many awesome things about this apartment. On the 4th of July, we just took an evening stroll out our front door and watched the fireworks. While other people paid $10 to park at the U2 concert last weekend, Liz and her friends just walked across the street. And every day for the next week or two, we'll be able to mosey on up the block whenever we the mood strikes us and ride a Ferris wheel or eat a fried Snickers bar. And my parents are coming up for a visit in honor of the fair and the fall leaves (oh, yeah, and I guess to hang out with me and Liz a little, too), which should be a lot of fun. :)

Anyway, I guess I'll brave the unseasonably cool weather and go ahead and crank out my long run for the week. The half marathon is on November 1st, so we're getting closer. Of course, I then get no break at all before I have to start training for the full marathon in February, but the end result makes the training worth it.

One of our best friends, Kelsey, is an incredible actress and singer -- the kind that makes the hair stand up on your neck. She's had countless years of vocal and theater training, and has lived all over the country while performing in various shows. Although she's in law school now and is doing really well at it, she admits that if she had the choice, she'd make her living through the theater. She is beautiful and hilarious, with enough personality and talent for three people. I've known her for three years now (she and Liz have been friends since high school), and although I love her to death simply for being Kelsey, every time I see her act or sing, she somehow becomes more than 'just' herself. When I'm watching her onstage, she stops being 'just' the funny, quirky chick who joins us for weekend brunch and becomes... this incredibly talented human being that I somehow have the privilege to know. Everybody is good at something, yes -- we all have our areas of skill and ability -- but not many people are as good at anything as Kelsey is at acting and singing. It's like the equivalent of an Olympic-caliber athlete or a Pulitzer-winning author. It's hard to explain, but her talent touches something inside me that isn't often awakened.

Anyway, so Kelsey is currently acting in a performance of The Pajama Game, and we went to her opening night performance on Friday. As always, I was blown away. She had the female lead, and so had a lot of stage time and a lot of singing parts. This was a 'Little Theatre' production, in a small town outside Raleigh, so for a lot of the other actors, this was one of their first shows. Some people were good, others were mediocre, and one young man was almost equally as brilliant as Kelsey -- but the uneven distribution of talent meant that she stood out even more. During the final curtain call, there was a huge swell in the applause when she took the stage for her bow.

We took her out for hamburgers afterwards and told her over and over how amazing she was. She grinned and thanked us and seemed truly touched. "I hammed up that last scene for you guys," she winked. But then, after a few minutes, her demeanor changed. "It's weird," she said thoughtfully, "but that's where I feel like I'm most myself. I mean, of course I'm 'myself' at other times, like when I hang out with you guys... but somehow, when I'm up onstage, that's when I feel the most like me."

Rarely have I ever been so proud of a friend -- but at the same time, it awakens a sense of desperation in me. Kelsey will make a great lawyer -- she's got less than a year left of school -- but she is so talented and so deserving that I feel like it's almost an injustice for her not to make her living doing the thing she truly loves. Some people have talent, but don't choose to pursue it -- we've all seen the teenybopper movies about the uber-talented piano player who wins all the awards and then decides at the crucial moment that she "just doesn't love it" and wants to go in a different direction. Other people have the drive to succeed -- again, we've all watched American Idol; we all know people who are desperate to be singers or authors or athletes, who want it more than anything -- but just don't quite have what it takes.

But Kelsey has both -- the love for the field, and the incredible talent to back it up. And yet the chances of her ever 'making it' in that business are slim, just by virtue of the way our world works. She made the necessary choice to pick a 'real' career, and she'll be wonderful at it, but it breaks my heart to think of her wearing power suits to a courthouse every day, doing the lawyer thing and making the money, and only acting in a couple of tiny community theater plays every year to give herself a little taste of joy. She's so much better than that, and yet there is nothing I can do to help give her what I know she deserves. Watching her was a bittersweet feeling -- if she weren't so damn good, I wouldn't feel so desperate to see her succeed.

Anybody out there with theater connections? ;)

I am SO pumped about the marathon I'm doing in February. The Marine Corps Marathon was fun last year, but I really think, now that I know what to expect, that this next one is going to blow that one out of the water. It's in my hometown, meaning I'll be sleeping at home with my parents (rather than in a hotel) and running past familiar sights, and part of the run is even right on the beach! Not only that, but I think I'm going to be able to do it a LOT faster than I did the last one. Now that I know how awesome it can be to use a pace group and a run-walk strategy (run 3 minutes, walk one minute -- wash, rinse, repeat :)), I think I'll be doing that from the get-go rather than stumbling into the group accidentally around mile 21 (as I did last year). My time last year was six hours flat, but I feel supremely confident that I can shave off a full hour this time around, if not more. Right now, I'm planning to start out with the 4:30 pace group, and that way I can slow down as needed to the 4:45 or 5:00 group, depending on how I'm feeling. Also, I'm planning to be around 20 pounds lighter than I was for the last marathon, which in and of itself should help me go a lot faster.

Which brings me to my next point... there are four weeks left of our Biggest Loser competition at work, and as far as I know, I'm still in the lead. I'm kind of at a plateau right now -- I was exactly the same weight at last week's weigh-in that I was the week before), but I'm still loving the way my clothes are fitting. I've been a size ten since high school, but I've been comfortably wearing an eight for the past couple of weeks, which is awesome. (Secret: I also tried on two pairs of Liz's jeans while she was gone -- size six -- and they both fit!) The final weigh-in is October 22nd, and I'm only six or seven pounds away from the goal I'd been aiming to hit by that date, so we'll see what happens.