Hmmm. I'm having an I-miss-the-Netherlands day. In Spanish class, we were talking about culture shock and study-abroad programs, and in my group we were discussing the political differences between the two countries (mostly, how incredibly conservative America is compared to the Netherlands). Someone asked, "Would you go back?" and my "Si, absolutamente!" was so emphatic that it made people laugh. Then, just now, I was talking to Dia via webcam, and over her shoulder I could see our ugly orangey door frame leading out into the hall, and the dark night outside the windows, and it struck a chord. It's all just so familiar, and still feels so much like my home, that it's odd to look it. It feels like I'm right there with her, back in my room, digesting after a Dining Hell dinner, listening to our Dia-Jess iTunes playlist, and downloading movies. But I'm not - I'm over here, where it's still only two o'clock, where no one appreciates the European trance and house music, where DC++ doesn't work half as well, and where I have to speak English practically all the time.

What I want, you see, is a combination. I want to be able to take my UF courses with their 50-minute periods, walk around the big, sunny campus in shorts and a T-shirt, and then flash my OV at the train conductor and get a free ride home to Jacksonville for the weekend. I want to swim a 5000-yard practice with my team every night, and then still be able to go to the grocery store at 10pm after practice if I haven't had time that day. I want to be able to drive my car over the large, wide, plainly marked roads, and take a nicely designed, punctual bus through its own specially marked bus lanes when I don't feel like biking to campus. I want to celebrate Christmas and my birthday with my family, but Sinterklaas and Koninginnedag with the Dutch. I want to wear shorts and flip-flops every day, and yet still see snow once in a while. I want to have access to all the latest music and movies when they first come out, but I also want the unbelievable speed of multimedia downloading that the Dutch university students have with their DC++ hub. I want to have Moe's burritos after practice with the team, yet I want to be able to buy the occasional patatje met or broodje kroket at the train station or a stukje pizza from Bakkerij Bart's, too. I want to speak English sometimes, but I also want the thrill of speaking my second-best language twenty-four-seven in a country where almost no non-natives can speak like I do. I want to spend time with my friends here, especially Anna and Hayley and the rest of the team, but I also want to see Linde and Christine, two of my aller-beste friends, on a regular basis.

I just can't win.