You know, I realize I'm a American, from the land of McDonalds and frozen dinners, but I could teach this family a thing or two about eating. First of all, I don't eat when I'm not hungry. Got that? You can disapprove all you want, but I know when, what, and how much food works for me and my body, and that's how I'm going to do things. Deal with it.

And when I do eat, I eat to the point of comfortable fullness - and then I stop. I don't stuff myself until I can't force another bite down my throat. Maybe that's the measure of a man in this household, but I don't operate on that system. You are not going to pressure me into eating more than I want.

Also, there is such a thing as lunch. If you people tried that, maybe you wouldn't feel the need to eat dinner at five o'clock every day. Speaking of dinner, every evening's selection should not consist of ninety percent meat. Can I please have a SALAD?! How about some orange juice at breakfast? And what's with all the white bread? Give me some fiber!

Oh, and lastly, my world does not revolve around food. Those constant questions of "What are we going to eat tomorrow?" and "What time are we eating?" and "What do you think about this or that for dinner?" ... they seem to take up all your waking hours. When you're not parked in front of the TV, that is. I'm sorry - food is nice and all, but I don't obsess about it every hour of the day.

...In case you couldn't tell, this is me saying that I'm fed up with the way eating works in this house and I'm not going to play their little games anymore. To hell with what they think of me. My body knows what it needs, and that's what it's getting from now on.

The end.